How to Experience Sexual Intimacy with Your Spouse

1.   You must distinguish between sex and lovemaking. While sexual intimacy involves mutual and total commitment to each other. Your focus in lovemaking or sexual intimacy is to give, give and give to the relationship to work, and not a “get”. Sex is a biological action; lovemaking is a relational, experience, where the focus is the happiness of the other partner.

2.   Another point you must take seriously in experiencing sexual intimacy in marriage is the importance of good communication. (Prov. 7:5-8).  In this scripture the man communicates his admiration of his love to her. How often do you tell your spouse how beautiful he/she is? While having sex you need to communicate your enjoyment of the process and how you are feeling at the moment of the action. The man should sometimes ask the wife whether she has reached her orgasm (the point of sexual pleasure or fulfillment)? Communication is key in bringing satisfaction to your spouse because it removes assumptions from the relationship and the act of sex. It helps you to know what your spouse want in bed so that your sex life will not be mechanical. Always talk about your sexual life so that you can see areas of improvement and understand each other’s sexual need and feelings.

  3.   As a follow up of the above point is the need for the both of you to make room for each other’s sexual desires. Spouse also need to be sensitive to each other’s needs and conditions like period of illness, pain, fasting etc. But you must not abstain from sex for too long. The point here is to create in your head/mind the desire to always satisfy your spouse sexually. For the man to meet the desire of his wife sexually he must know her desire; that’s where communicate comes in.

How can a man increase the sexual desire of his wife?

First, you must know that women’s sexual desire starts from the brain or heart. It is tied up to how she feels about her husband at that time. Second, give her more emotional attention. Third, give her more gesture of love during the day e.g kissing her, touching her sensitive part, speaking powerful words of love or singing, buy her gift, send her love text message from the office, and help her with some house chores. These are just a few tips to arouse the sexual desire of your spouse.

4.   Sequel intimacy will not be achieved when the husband and wife are in conflict. To experience sexual intimacy couples must deals with the issues of beliefs, core values, mutual perspective, and share goals about lovemaking in their relationship.

5.   Time and Frequency. How often do you get intimate with your spouse? How long do you spend in the act of sex itself? The average recommendation in terms of frequency in sex at least twice a week. In relation to timing, which is how long in a particular act of sex, you must know that for the man, it takes only 2 minutes for you to reach orgasm, but your wife takes about 7 to 4 minute to reach orgasm. So the man must spend enough time I foreplay and communicating to her feelings or speak love language to her to turn her on, before the intercourse. The question you need to answer in every lovemaking process as a man is “have I been able to satisfy or bring my wife to her climax of sexual excitement”? (below the chart called sexometer coined from model marriage: a marriage counseling handbook by Dag

Frequency	Relationship
Twice a day	Typical of very, very happy relationship relaxation/honeymoon ecstasy
Daily	Typical of a very happy marriage
Every other day	Typical of harmonious marriage especially in working couples
Once a month	Typical of a marriage experiencing pressure of life
Twice a month	Typical of diharmoniouse marriage, especially life in between quarrel/storm
Once a month	Typical of a marriage in coexistence uninterested in each other
One two three months	Typical of marriage in serious disharmony query unfaithfulness/adultery
Once every six months	Typical of a couple in virtual separation and marital breakdown
Once a year	Typical of total breakdown of marriage and virtual divorce

Reward mills. Page 132).

6.   The man must understand the part(s) of his wife’s body that turns her on. One major organ of a woman that is very important in bringing her to the point of sexual satisfaction is the clitoris. Try to rub it either with your finger or your penis, but make sure it is lubricated. You can allow the natural lubricant that comes from the word or use artificial lubricant like Vaseline. At the point when she has reached her height of excitement then penetration can occur. (If you don’t know the clitoris ask your wife, she will educate you).

7.   Another way to build or experience sexual intimacy is that you should read the book together on lovemaking and sexual act written by Christian authors. Permit me to recommend some to you. A. The act of marriage: the beauty and sexual love. by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. B. Model marriage: A counseling Handbook. By Day Reward Mills.

      Understanding the process of lovemaking or intimacy

1.   The first important thing in the process of lovemaking or having sexual enjoyment is the process of FOREPLAY.  It involves sexual actions such as kissing and touching each other before having intercourse. It is an exotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse. Foreplay begins with spontaneous endearing conversation with loving path, hugs, and kisses. Then it moves to the gradual undressing of each other. Then the husband must spontaneously stimulate his wife by kissing and caressing her lips, thigh, buttocks, clitoris, labia minor and other sexual sensitive parts of her body until she reaches sexual excitement. The wife must also, continue to stimulate her husband by rubbing and caressing the penis and kissing. The husband must continue to stimulate his wife until she begins to produce lubricant in her vagina or her breathing becomes very high. You must let each other know which movement stimulates you the most or distract you.

2.   The second stage is INTERCOURSE. By this I mean the time when you put the penis into the vagina, and make certain movement. Do not move to the second stage without doing the first stage as describe above. Make sure your wife is in her high excitement point before intercourse

3.   The third is the ORGASM stage. in this stage, the man the man reaches his orgasm at the point of ejection, but at the point the woman is just beginning. So the man continues to thrust in and out of her vagina whereby the penis keeps rubbing the vagina well and clitoris until she reaches her orgasm.

4.    The fourth stage and last is the stage of RELAXATION stage. This is a short time od dossing off, as a short sleep. This must be done as you still hug or stay on each other. It is advisable to just jump out to bed immediately you finish the act of sex.

Conclusion

          The need for building and experiencing sexual intimacy by christen men cannot be overemphasized. Christian men must learn how to be close to their wives, thereby reducing the rate of divorce and quarrelling in the home. The more frequent you have sex the closer you become with your spouse.  God created sex, so it is holy and it is worship to him. And he also created it to reduce the rate of sicknesses and diseases in our marriages.